Parenting in the time of Covid

My boys during their mandatory "pa-araw" session

The Philippines has been on Enhanced Community Quarantine for over a month already. My children have not been outside for over two months. The current situation has given me a greater appreciation for the time I spend with my children, especially the time that I spend with my eldest who is in his teens. 

I have noticed that there are so many support groups for parents of newborns, toddlers, pre-schoolers, and grade-schoolers but there are limited support groups in the Philippines that talk about parenting their children who are in their teen years. With all the issues our children are facing, parents of teens, need all the support they can get. Often times, parents of teens just move through this phase in silence. 

I would like to offer support to all moms and dads of teens because honestly, parenting at any phase is important. We need all the help we can get in raising the next generation. I am no expert in raising my teen, but I am surely trying my best to understand him and listen to him in a very pivotal time in his life. What they go through (which we all went through) is not easy. It's a confusing and challenging time and they need us just the same way they needed us as newborns. 

Raising my eldest son has taught me several things both about parenting and also based on the experience of once being in my teens (thank goodness we only go through it once). Here are some parenting "hacks" or advice I can share. They can be helpful in raising children of any age. 

1. Parenting one child will be different from parenting another child. 

This is a controversial statement which I know some will challenge so allow me to provide further context. The values and principles that I live by as a person and as a mom are deeply rooted on my faith. That will never change. But how I raise my eldest son is different from how I raise my second son and my third son. Just like how my husband and I make decisions on what school we will send the boys to based on their learning styles, my parenting style is also based on my child's personality. My eldest son likes to be told stories about how it was when I was growing up, what was life like in the past and how different times are now. He likes listening to what I went through and he is very sensitive and observant of other people's words and actions which keeps me grounded on my stand on political issues, environmetal issues and the like. While he is innately an introvert, he likes being around like minded people who enjoy talking about funny videos and jokes. He also enjoys reading about topics on discoveries and breakthroughs. He is mathematical, logical and athletic. How I relate to him is different from my third son who is more musical, confident and likes spelling and telling stories. He likes talking about stories he has read or videos he watched and gives his opinion on almost anything that interests him. I always ask him what he would do if he was in the shoes of the person who is the topic of the story of video and if he would do things differently and why. He doesn't care much for stories of the past but looks at what I do in the present.  Different strokes for different folks. 

2. Talk to them like adults. 

How I talk to everyone is how I talk to my children. They won't be little for a long time. In fact they will be adults for a longer span of time which made me believe that I should talk to them like adults. Most parents change the way they talk to their child once they  reach their teen years and they find it difficult.  My eldest son and I did not go through such a transition.  I have always asked his opinion on social and political issues for me to also see his "grounding" and foundation as a person. In turn, he has raised several topics and has asked my stand on divorce, abortion and the death penalty. He has also offered his opinion on these and I should say, he has deep roots in his faith, possibly deeper than mine. I have always wanted my children to be as outspoken as I was growing up and I owe that to our household full of adults who never spoke to me differently. There are times when I forget they are my children when I talk to them because I want them to know how to speak their mind clearly to anyone regardless of age, gender and culture. 

3. Allow them to see you as a person, and not as a superhero. 

I admitted to my kids early on that I cannot do everything, that in this family we all have our roles. There were times where I needed to rely on other people who can help, and I continue to do so. By showing them there is not shame in asking for help or in needing help hopefully they will learn to ask for her and will not hesistate to go to me when the going gets tough. As parents we are sometimes fixated on being able to do everything on our own but in reality, it really does take a village to raise a child. I have been lucky to have a solid support system from my own parents, siblings, in-laws and friends. I have been helped so many times just to be able to fulfill the various roles I play in my life. I want my children to know that they can ask for help and they in turn should also offer help to those who will need it. 

There are of course more "hacks" that I can share, and I will in the next days. Being on quarantine has forced me to live a life beyond work and remember who I am after the last working second of my workdays. I have neglected this part of me that likes sharing with others what I have learned in this life. It's time to ignite my hobbies and my passions and try to be the best version of myself in the time of Covid.